One of the things I like about old sayings is that they often contain pearls of timeless wisdom. One such aphorism is, ‘Every cloud has a silver lining’. Another is, ‘No one goes untouched’.
These two truisms collide when we experience trauma.
Whilst not all trauma is equal it always leaves a mark. Whatever the world throws at us, its impact depends on our expectations and perceptions. Even an event that may be considered relatively innocuous can wreak lasting havoc. For that reason, we all carry pain linked to our past.
But here’s the interesting thing.
If instead of repressing, expressing or running away from the pain of our trauma we stop and engage with it*, something magical happens. It invites us to open to our true nature. And as silver linings go, they don’t come any better.
In his podcast with Tim Ferris, the eloquent Henry Shukman highlighted the paradox of our wounds being a doorway to love, “There's something about deep wounding that can be a pathway to deep, deep, love. ...So much of the time we tend to accrete protection over a wound and ...stay away from a wound ...avoid it and live as if it weren't there. And so, unpicking the defences and actually finding some kind of way ...to go into our wounds and what we find there, in the place that we're most terrified of, can be ...great, great, love. ...To me, there's something just amazing how deep, deep, wounds and deep, deep, awakening have got things in common, but I find it mind-blowing and really, really, beautiful and I think there's a blessing in going into our wounds. ... I really think often the thing that we fear most, the thing that seems most what we don't want, can turn out to be the great opening for us.”
Time and time again, this is my experience.
The fact is, the deeper our wound and the greater our psychological pain the more loaded energy of it. And the more loaded the energy, the thinner the veil is between us and the completeness of our true nature. Equally, by contrast, the more intense the pain experienced, the more explosive the revelation of our truth and the more profound the realisation that we are pure love.
In close proximity to the darkest parts of us is the reflection of our truth waiting to be revealed; life-seeking consciousness. It is like a coin - it cannot be one-sided. Profound pain is counterbalanced by pure freedom, which is what we are beyond the ‘story’ of our lives.
The pain we hold onto is a denial of our essence.
Another way of looking at it is that at its most painful our trauma is the greatest lie of who we really are. Here is where we typically feel most abandoned and unloved and yet a hairbreadth away, within us, is the part of us that is untouched, that is ever-present.
How do we cross the threshold between our darkness and our light? The door handle is our feelings. They allow us to walk through and taste, as Shulkman puts it “Great, great, love.” Our intellect will not help us here.
This inflexion point, between the darkness and the light, is a moment of opportunity where we can change forever how we see ourselves and life.
This is why we should go within and hunt out our deepest pain and experience what lies beyond it.*
*We need to follow a tried and trusted process that keeps us safe throughout the journey into the part of us that is untouched by the pain of our trauma.
Today's blog is based on an extract from FEEL, How to engage with what we feel to be wiser, happier and healthier.
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